The Devolved Liberal December 2004
Liberals occasionally remind the Pacster that they are more highly evolved than others, particularly red-state conservatives, however short they remain of their ultimate goal: perfection, particularly that of the doctrinaire and homogeneous persuasion.
What they conveniently overlook—no doubt to their own detriment—is what evolution actually is, as defined by Charles Darwin in his 1859 tome The Origin of Species and as refined by subsequent, less-evolved evolutionary theorists.
Blog-weary reader, consider:
Fundamental to evolution is a diverse population, a thing most scarce among liberals, particularly those in academia, journalism, and entertainment. Solipsism, thy name is liberalism.
Too, at its core, evolution is about surviving by adaptating better than others to one’s environment, period. Either you adapt and survive to reproduce or you do not. Note that there is no value judgment, no good or bad environment, no good or bad adaptation, only adaptation with more or less survival value.
To PacRim Jim’s supremely adapted upperworks, this explains much. Peruse, if you will, the map below, which shows the results of the recent U.S. presidential election. In gay-talk, the dabs of blue make the red pop. Given that the American political environment is predominantly conservative, current liberal misery is explainable as a failure to adapt, which is to say inferior fitness in the struggle for political survival.
Because America’s political environment is unlikely to change radically, today’s poorly adapted liberal will be tomorrow’s endangered species and next week’s unmourned fossil.
Thus works the universe. Sic transit gloria mundi.
— PacRim Jim
America Wins! Again! November 2004
Yet again, American voters have demonstrated immense common sense. At a stroke, they drove a wooden stake through the vampirish Vietnam nightmare, ensured American security and prosperity into murky tomorrows, and mooned anti-Americans every envious where.
Now that the quadrennial brouhaha is but a dimming memory, all that remains is to savour four-long-more-long-years while mulling over a few speculations:
* The Swift Vets honorably served their country once again during its seemingly endless hour of need. Thank you sincerely.
* The solid South elected the party of Lincoln. Ironic, no?
* 1960s. 1970s. 1980s. 1990s. 2000s. Decade after decade, liberals have denied the obvious: They are repudiated precisely because they demand that Americans hate themselves and the principles upon which America was founded.
* For the second time in 2004, the Yankees lost, especially the Boston Yankees.
* What the bewildered on America’s Pacific and Atlantic coasts failed to understand, yet again, is that America’s Midwest and South are its common-sensical, moral ballast, which compensates for all the wacky impracticalities generated at the frayed fringes of our continent.
* To be in California during this election was to be in the eye of the hurricane, since the state was never in play.
* PacRim Jim’s “Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats vote on Thursday” campaign seems to have been a bust. (;>)>
* Do not imagine that the Pacster failed to notice that Google’s election-day logo linked only to liberal Web sites.
* Arnold of Sacramento’s stumping for Bush may have put the kibosh on Kerry.
* Bush’s upcoming judicial appointments should guarantee legal stability for a few decades, at least.
* King Dan the Tendentious of CBS was his farcical self while covering the election. As the Democrat house burned down to the nematodes, he frantically kicked through the ashes, shoes asmolder, looking for a fire extinguisher. The Pacster laughed till he cried till he switched the channel.
* Wither to obscurity the network news divisions will unless they move from New York City back to the United States. Suggestions: ABC, Oklahoma City; NBC, Boise; CBS, Paris, Texas.
* What will become of the (tens of?) thousands of fawning Kerry biographies, Kerry inaugration puff-pieces, Bush dyslogies, etc., that the world’s media prepared this summer, in anticipation of the Frenchman in the U.S. saddle? Advocacy journos should save them for their resumes (or dotage).
* Praise be to Darpa and Berners-Lee for giving us the Internet and World-Wide Web, respectively, which have spawned open-source news in the form of genuinely informative blogs that compensate for the increasingly irrelevant and moribund mainstream media.
* Deprived of Bush The Scapegoat, anti-American demagogues in every blessedly distant land will have to answer to their benighted followers for diverting attention from pressing domestic problems.
* The Pacster predicts that the 2008 tickets will be Rice/Schwarzenegger and Clinton/Obama. Black female concert pianist and foreign male quondam terminator versus white female carpetbagger and black male on the make. Should be delicious and a marketer’s dream.
* PRJ wonders, however, whether four years will be enough time for Edwards to primp his hair in time for the primaries.
As has been observed by wiser souls that the Pacster, should they exist, the American electoral system once again has proved to be the world’s worst, except for all the others.
— PacRim Jim
Downhill from the Divide November 2004
From deep within our universal, immortal circle of I, we humans experience life either directly through routine punctuated by horror or vicariously through sources spoken or written. Those whose experience and common sense are based on the former live at life’s gritty interfaces and tend to be conservative, while those dependent on rationales and other abstractions often are academics (or academics manqué) and thus liberal.
It’s no surpise to the Pacster, therefore, that conservatives tend to be practical while liberals tend to be utopian (which is so named for a reason). Not to put too fine a point on it, Republicans think that, while imperfect, humans are capable of running their own lives without the intrusions of meddlesome politicians with a plan. Liberals, on the other hand, believe humans to be perfectable, if only politicos most wise could wield the absolute power required to implement utopia redux (in a guise importantly different from previous disastrous implementations, to be sure).
The deepening divide, then, is between those who say “Show me.” and those who say “I’ll show you.”
The scism may be fatal, but not necessarily painful.
— PacRim Jim
Extreme Makeover: Kerry Edition September 2004
 |
 |
 |
| Before W | During W | After W |
— PacRim Jim
A Contraversation with John Kerry September 2004
— PacRim Jim
Pajama-Stream Media Blogwear September 2004
— PacRim Jim
CBS, Rather Full of It September 2004
— PacRim Jim
Democrats Prefer August 2004
Democrats
prefer nonwhites,
prefer female nonwhites,
prefer fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer homosexual dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer disarmed homosexual dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer atheistic disarmed homosexual dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer vegetarian atheistic disarmed homosexual dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer Francophilic vegetarian atheistic disarmed homosexual dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
prefer paroled Francophilic vegetarian atheistic disarmed homosexual dogmatic addicted divorced fetiphobic female nonwhites,
on recycled bicycles in a globally warmed rain forest with handicapped access.
— PacRim Jim
Will Bush Be Churchilled? July 2004
Adventurous readers and sundry other dude/ttes, climb into the Ambichronizator Y3K® with PacRim Jim. Fasten your trans-temporal inertial damper thingies. You’re about to get a lesson in history, both past and future. (Perhaps it is better considered a lesson in human nature.)
Ready? Push that button…just now. No, not that one, the magenta one. Back we go.
Behold the 1940s. The Pacster asks you to look out your portholes and note two years in particular:
1940. Prime Minister Winston Churchill stands firm against the Nazis.
1945. Prime Minister Winston Churchill is rewarded by being voted out of office.
Conclusion: Such was the ingratitude of the war-weary English electorate.
Got it? Now, while holding down the purplish-red button, push the reddish-purple button and hold it down for the count of six “Odospockdatas.” Well done.
Welcome to November 2004. Again, out the portholes, note two other years:
2001. President George Bush stands firm against Muslim terrorists.
2004. President George Bush is rewarded by being voted out of office.
Conclusion: Believing the war against terrorism to be won and distracted by stereo Hollywood hair, the impatient American electorate behaved, predictably, as if terrorism were merely an overhyped ado about...what was it? Something about burning people falling?
Fie, shilly-shally we shall no longer. Back to the present it is. Done and done. Now get out, please, for the Ambichronizator is rented and I must set back the chronometer.
Before the Pacster goes, however, consider what is to be learned from this ping-ponging across the decades:
Apparently…sadly…nothing.
History, help!
— PacRim Jim
Texas Chainsaw Massachusetts May 2004
With posterior planted in the e-Barcalounger, with a premoistened finger aloft and another on the pulse of America, with one eye scanning the horizon and the other browsing blogs, with an ear to a railroad track, and with feet planted firmly on the carpet on the concrete on the ground, ever-undignified PacRim Jim already detects the rumblings of the fast-approaching Bush landslide in November.
Landslide, ho!
Bush-haters (domestic and foreign), terrorists (also domestic and foreign), and others craving the attention their mothers’ withheld need not despair, at least not until 2008. During the 126,230,400 seconds—don’t forget the leap day—of the second Bush term, they will have time aplenty to read WJC’s prest-o change-o oughttabiography. (And, no, “WJC” does not stand for “George W. Bush + Jimmy Carter.”)
— PacRim Jim
CondiArnold in 2008 April 2004
Ever obliging, PacRim Jim cogitates that the reader need not. Recently, the Pacster indulged in an unaccustomed multisecond session of catenous logic, which yielded five harmonious words: Condoleezza Rice, Arnold Schwarzenegger, 2008. The pair would have irresistable political synergy, but it occurred that their candidacy for president and vice-president would require the Pacmeister to wax calorically so that “Condoleezza / Schwarzenegger in 2008” would fit on his sole clean T-shirt. Carb me, waiter.
— PacRim Jim
